Living In The Now

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV

This is a difficult verse to follow lately. While tomorrow will worry about itself, it seems that the days are blurring together, and it is becoming increasingly worrisome to think about both the present and future. In the last month and a half, we have had 3 run-ins with COVID-19, and 5 different days where at least one person in our tiny family of 4 has been tested. Thankfully, Thea had Croup (although that was torture, AND it was her first ever illness), Isaac had a stomach bug that only lasted for 24 hours, and I (Nicole) have a common cold that I have lovingly shared with Dan. Every time we get the test, it comes back negative. But that doesn’t stop the flood of anxiety, the river of doubt, the slough of depression that all come with another threat of a still very new, infectious virus.

We are tired. We are downtrodden. Isaac wonders why he can’t go play with friends on weekends, and Dan and I just chase him and his sister around the house, praying for some time when we can catch a break. A lot of the last year and a half has sort of blended into one large memory of telling Isaac to be more gentle with Thea. That’s almost all we know anymore. We worry about tomorrow, because we ask ourselves how much longer we’ll have to remind him that Thea is much smaller and younger than him (as both Dan and I are the oldest among our siblings, we know the answer to that is a resounding ALWAYS).

At work, we have been informed of new cases of COVID-19, and are told we don’t need to quarantine, but the worry that we may have brought this virus home with us to our children who may not be able to get the vaccine for it until next year takes over our hearts and minds. The odds are low, that they’ll be seriously ill if they contract it, but we don’t want to discover that we’re the ones to have children who are suddenly in need of intubation. This virus, and everything about it has begun to consume almost every thought I have lately. It’s the proverbial Thorn in my side. I’m not thankful for it, and I’m going to keep asking for it to be removed, because honestly, I don’t see how anyone can keep going with this much anxiety and pressure. Unexplained Infertility was rough enough, and now we have a virus looming over our heads!

But we are reminded that:

God gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. ….those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:29, 31a NIV

I honestly don’t know how I’ve managed to keep going and stay mostly calm in the midst of this much stress. But what has kept me grounded has been moving forward in The Now. Deep breathing techniques, prayer, and maintaining my routines have all helped to keep me going. And hopefully, we’ll be able to continue, day by day, until this pandemic is officially declared OVER.